Heather Kinser
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Madness Poetry! 2024 - Best Contest Ever

5/25/2025

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     In 2024 I participated in the Madness Poetry! competition and had my best showing ever--and the most fun. I emerged from the contest with 6 fabulous new poems, ending my run in 2nd place overall, out of a pool of 64 talented children's poets.
     In this March-madness style, single-elimination poetry tournament, 64 poets are paired in head-to-head matches and asked to battle it out until there's only one left. The turnaround times are short, as are the character limits, and a tricky challenge word is assigned in every round. The challenge word must appear in the poem! Then each match-up appears online in a live voting round. Community members, the participating poets (called "authletes"), and classrooms full of kids choose their favorites and cast their votes. It's as exciting as poetry gets!
     Below are my 2024 Madness poems, and my entries from prior years can be found in this Authlete archive. Big bummer: Madness Poetry! didn't take place in 2025 and no one's sure if it's going to come back, but the site can still be found at MadnessPoetry.com.

Round 1
Prompt word “ken”
 
BEYOND KEN
 
She’s got a fast Ferrari
and a poodle on a string.
She travels in a camper van--
with tents and everything!
 
She owns a stunning wardrobe
and some cowgirl boots, to boot,
and everything is pink there--
50 dresses (plus a suit).
 
She’s been a pink-haired pop star,
and a doctor—and a vet!
I’m such a fan of Barbie!!! But…
 
there’s something I don’t get.
 
Her boyfriend is a beach bum
in Bermuda shorts.
But WHY?!
If I were Barbie, I would choose
a different sort of guy.
 
—He’d read, instead of surfing.
—He’d write, instead of tan.
—He’d work his way through college,
like an educated man.
 
I know that Barbie’s perfect
on a score from one to ten.
But Barbie’s beachy boyfriend…
is a choice “beyond my ken.”


Round 2
Prompt word “irascible”
 
HUGO THE HORRIBLE
LETS DOWN HIS HAIR

 
Mean as a snake, tough as a bear,
Hugo the Horrible lets down his hair.
He enters the ring, taking a swing
at his wrestling nemesis Larry DeKing.
 
Larry says, “Goldilocks, betcha’ can’t get me!”
 
“Goldilocks?” Hugo booms. “Now you’ve UPSET me.”
 
Larry beware
of the Horrible hair!
 
First comes a tickle—a move called The Hair Brush.
 
Next comes a tackle—a move called The Hair Rush.
 
Now comes a blindside—a move called The Bangs.
 
Larry submits to the prickles and pangs
from a throw we all know as The Ponytail Fist
and is pinned to the mat in a Tricky French Twist.
 
Oh…
should the referee run to his aid?
The irascible grapplers are stuck in The Braid!
 
Wait.
Larry's…winning?
 
He's free of the strangle!
 
He BEATS Hugo's hair
with a move called The Tangle.

Round 3
Prompt word “chimera”
 
THE LAZIEST ALPHABET LETTER IS K
 
The laziest alphabet letter is K.
K lives by the motto--no work & all play.
 
K sings karaoke while flying a kite.
K paddles a kayak away out of sight.
K kisses koalas and plays the kazoo.
K kicks back relaxing with nothing to do
as we—C & H—do the bulk of K’s chores.
 
We're sinking K's kayak
and taking the oars!
 
We’re tired of pouring K's CHamomile tea.
It ought to be Kamomile—don't you agree?
 
You’re such a CHameleon, K, but we see
the CHaos you cause when you go absentee:
 
--We CHoreograph every dance in the show
--We play every CHaracter, as you lie low
--We sing in the CHoir when it should be you
 
The problem is CHronic.
But what can we do?
 
It’s quite the chimera—a dream we pursue
that’s highly unlikely to ever come true--
but we want a vacation from sounding like K!
 
Perhaps S & H would invite us to stay…
 
A CHauffer will drive to our CHic new CHateau
where CHampagne is pouring and CHandeliers glow.
We’ll hire a CHef to serve chocolate CHiffon…
 
as K fills the Kasm
that’s left when we’re gone.


Round 4
Prompt word “derecho”
 
BE A CHEF TO VIPs!
 
Need a job? Apply today!
Can you cook and serve?
Be a chef to VIPs!
(If you have the nerve.)
 
I got the job! It wasn’t hard
(since no one else applied).
I strode into the kitchen
with a blender by my side.
 
I wondered which celebrities
I’d nourish at the venue.
My only aim—to please them
with a tantalizing menu.
 
Along they came—four famous names!
Against enormous odds,
the Fates had chosen me to be
the chef who serves "the gods."
 
Mighty Thor! Zeus! Jupiter!
And Indra! (I was wowed.)
The superstars shot lightning bolts
while bowing to the crowd.
 
But...
the deities were hard to please.
I served their food, with knocking knees.
 
—Jupiter would thunder
if his pasta sauce was canned.
—Zeus would storm and bluster
if his moussaka was bland.
—Indra cried a monsoon
if his curry wasn’t spiced.
—Thor would throw a hammer
if his herring wasn’t diced.
 
They'd rage like a derecho
(an imposing wall of storm),
oh, they'd tempest with a temper
if their coffee wasn’t warm.
 
They'd hurricane and rampage
if I overbaked a pie.
Those picky eaters caused
an epic food fight in the sky.
 
I quit my job! It put me in
a constant state of stress.
(Apologies to Earth below.
I’m sorry for the mess!)


Round 5
Prompt word “ballyhoo”
 
THIS ELIXIR FIXES ALL!
 
The salesman from Santa Fe
came rolling into town one day.
He hollered loud to draw a crowd,
then raised a mason jar, and bowed.
 
With showmanship and ballyhoo
he gave a pitch—for Fixer’s Brew.
 
It stops a cough!
It cures a cold!
It makes you younger if you’re old!
 
We snickered as he fanned the flame
by adding an outlandish claim…
 
This tonic is your new shampoo!
It straightens hair--
and curls it too!
 
Not a single rube was buying.
Still, the charlatan kept trying.
 
Buy it now! My magic brew
cures ANY flaw that bothers you!
It sparkles eyes!
Erases pimples!
Straightens wrinkles!
Gives you dimples!
 
Folks began a slow retreat.
He blustered on (the charming cheat).
 
My concoction makes you thinner!
Smarter!
Faster!
Be a winner!
Sip a drop—if you’re too tall!
Glug a gallon—if you’re small!
This elixir fixes ALL!
 
We felt sorry for the guy.
I spoke up and told him why…
 
"We're not falling for your scheme.
In the town of Selfesteem
no one's uppity or snooty.
We see every body's beauty."
 
Then the huckster dropped his act.
He shed a tear—and that's a fact.
He gazed at each contented face…
but didn't leave without a trace.
 
Instead, the man from Santa Fe
politely asked us…
 
Can I stay?
 
"Yes!
But, throw away that jar.
We like each other—as we are."


Round 6
Prompt word “clandestine”
 
THE BALLAD OF LONG-LOST SOCKS
 
It’s a mystifying mystery.
It's a puzzling paradox--
but in every single load of wash
I lose a set of socks!
 
Mom precisely sorts the laundry,
yet it seems to be my fate
that another lonely solo sock
will fail to find its mate!
 
Half my socks are separated--
they’re abandoned and forlorn!
For, without their trusty partners,
they’re unlikely to be worn.
 
Now I’m limping ‘round my household
in a sorry sockless shoe
and I wonder where the long-lost socks
end up, and what they do…
 
Do they spin themselves to pieces--
nothing left but fluffy lint?
 
Do they shrink to microscopic?
Could I see them, if I squint?
 
Have they gathered in the heavens
in an afterlife for socks?
 
Have they flown away like seagulls
in enormous stocking flocks?
 
Did they wish for independence--
to be foot-loose in the breeze?
 
Do they hold clandestine meetings,
planning sock conspiracies?
 
Should I watch for sock assassins?
Are my stockings stalking me?!!!
 
Wait a second. I hear voices…
 
From the TV comes a glow,
so I glance to see a preview
of a brand-new--
puppet show.
 
Annie Anklesock is singing!
Crispin Crew delivers jokes!
Nora Kneehigh is announcing,
“This will knock your socks off, folks!”
 
So, my socks are…
entertainers?
And it seems they’ve hit it big!
Wow! They put their best foot forward
and they found themselves a gig.
 
It’s a sacrifice for certain,
but to show them that I care,
I collect their sole-mates,
find the stage…
and re-unite each pair!
 
Now I watch their show, at 9 each night.
(With feet completely bare.)


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What I'm Thinking About: "Mama in the Moon" by Doreen Cronin & Brian Cronin

10/3/2024

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     I just read MAMA IN THE MOON by Doreen Cronin and Brian Cronin, and I'm a little obsessed with this slow, gentle, comforting story about a baby sloth who has fallen from a tree. The tension builds as Mama makes her way down to retrieve her baby, reassuring baby the whole way.
     The story is a perfect balance of progression and waiting. And wow!--I can't get over the gorgeous silhouetted foliage, the pops of fluorescent color, and the fuzzy-cute sloths.
     Interested in learning more about this charming picture book? Here's an NPR interview with the creators.
     I wish I knew more about how the stunning art was made. But maybe that's a trade secret. Fine print at the back of the book says it's "poster paint on paper."
     FYI, if you assumed the creators are a married couple (like I did), think again. They both just happen to have the last name Cronin. They decided to meet each other for a chat in the park, during the pandemic--and now they are a dating couple, creating picture books together. That's some picture book magic!
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Holiday Contest 2022

12/23/2022

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     I'm on a nice little roll with contests this winter. Happily, I placed in Susanna Leonard Hill's annual Holiday Contest—and ended up winning 9th place overall. This year's rules were to write a story of 250 words or less, featuring a holiday "bad guy." My story, The Humbug House, was inspired by Charles Dickens' A Christmas Carol.

The Humbug House
It was Christmas Eve.
Santa would soon arrive.
“Bah. Humbug!” rumbled the rickety house on Holly Street.
Inside, by a cozy tree, Natalie and Noel arranged cookies for Santa to nibble.
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“How will Santa find us?” Natalie wondered, using a moving box as a table.
“He’ll come down the chimney, of course,” said Noel.
“It’s too small and sooty,” Natalie worried. “Let’s leave the door unlocked, just in case.”
“And slide a window open,” said Noel.
That’s exactly what they did.
Off the siblings went, to bed.

But the house…the house had heard every word.
“Allow an intruder to enter? Never!” creaked the house. “Santa has never been here before. Santa will never barge through my door.”
click-clack
The door locked.
slip-shift
The window shut.
flip-flap
The flu snapped.
The house groaned, “Now, without a doubt, I’ve locked that sneaky Santa out!”

Soon, a distant Ho-Ho-Ho drifted on the snowy air, growing closer.
“I’ll show him!” said the house.
It battened down its hatches, shuttered its stovepipe, and scooted its attic floorboards together.
“If Santa Claus arrives, away he’ll be sent! He won’t slip through my crack or vent!”
All through the night, the house stood alert—a fortress.

But in the dawning light of day, it found…
pretty packages under the tree.
Santa Claus had found a way!
For somehow, Santa is received in any house where kids believe,
and any house where children roam accepts a gift--
becomes…
a home.
“Welcome Christmas day!” squeaked the cozy new home.
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Winter Holiday Poem #5

11/11/2022

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Christmas with the Dinosaurs

It’s Christmas with the dinosaurs!
I’m working on the plans.
I’ll knit T-Rex some mittens
sized to fit his tiny hands.
 
Apatosaurus surely couldn’t
strike our hearts with dread
while grazing in a Santa hat
(to warm his tiny head).
 
We’ll drape a festive garland
‘round Triceratops’ horn.
Invite Velociraptor! He’ll delight
in Christmas morn’.
 
He’ll tear the presents open
with his talons and his jaws.
We’ll dress him in bright red suit
and call him ‘Santa Claws.’
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Winter Holiday Poem #4

11/11/2022

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     Apparently, I'm on an ironic streak with my Winter Holiday Poem project. Ouch! Itch! Here comes "The Holly and the Ivy"...
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The Holly and the Ivy
 
The holly pricked my finger
and the ivy made me itch.
I chopped a tree and nicked my knee
and had to get a stitch.
The mistletoe was right above
a princely frog. Now we’re in love!
Oh, please excuse
*ribbit*
my grumpy mood
*ribbit*
this Christmas
*ribbit*
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Winter Holiday Poem #3

11/10/2022

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The kids are almost home from school. I only had time for a haiku. Here we go...
Advent Calendar Haiku
 
Advent calendar.
Twenty four hopeful windows.
Sweet candy countdown.
 
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Winter Holiday Poem #2

11/9/2022

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     Here's another holiday poem from me. (Hooray! I made it to #2.) These are quick writing exercises, so they're bound to be imperfect. But I hope they're entertaining. (I know I'm having fun!)
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I Think I’d Like a Ginkgo
 
I think I’d like a ginkgo tree
at Christmas time this year.
The leaves are good for making tea.
The fruits…can stink, I fear.
 
Perhaps I’ll settle for—a fern!
It isn’t that bizarre.
I’ll snazz it up with tinsel
and I’ll top it with a star.
 
A ficus might do nicely.
After all, it’s evergreen.
It fits the bill precisely
(as it breaks the old routine).
 
No Douglas fir or conifer
of any kind for me!
I surely don’t prefer
to agitate my allergy.

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Winter Holiday Poem #1

11/8/2022

2 Comments

 
     I'll be exercising my writing and rhyming muscles this winter with holiday poems. Here's my first one...and I hope there will indeed be a #2, etc. If anyone reads this and likes it, send me an encouraging word, so I'll be motivated to make more.
Christmas with the Wolverine
 
Hike an alpine hill, remote,
past the fox and mountain goat.
Seek a creature most elusive--
solitary, lone, reclusive.
 
Here’s a paw print in the snow
and…     a sprig of mistletoe.
There! Beneath an evergreen…
the shy but feisty Wolverine!
 
Careful. Don’t approach too fast
nature sightings only last
if you move with grace and care
and watch your subject, unaware.
 
First observe the creature, fierce,
raise a razor claw to pierce
berries on a silken line
and string them on the winter pine.
 
In its native habitat
see it…     knit a Santa hat,
brew a pot of herbal tea,
hang an ice-star on the tree.
 
Now, beneath a rising moon
it growls…     a jingle-bell-ish tune.
 
The strangest nature sight we’ve seen
is Christmas with the Wolverine.
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Halloweensie Contest 2022

10/13/2022

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Update: Rainforest Halloween won 8th place in the contest overall (!!!);
On Snail-o-ween got an honorable mention in the "Creatively Informative" category

I love this annual teeny-tiny Halloween story contest! Thank you, Susanna Leonard Hill, for launching and sponsoring Halloweensie—a delightful annual kidlit writing event. And good luck to everyone participating!

As sometimes happens, I couldn't write just one story. Here are my two contest entries, at a max of 100 words and using the key words slither, treat, and scare. And because I'm me, they rhyme (of course). Enjoy!

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Rainforest Halloween

The weeds were thick. The branches, slick.
But Howard vowed to play a trick
by sneaking up behind Doreen
to frighten her on Halloween.
 
He’d slither near, unseen, unheard--
a streak of color, faintly blurred--
using stealthy camouflage,
then shock her with a “BOO!” barrage.
 
He scurried, on his tree-top chore,
high above the valley floor
and spied her on a banyan trunk.
A terrify-your-friend slam dunk!       
 
What a treat! That very night
he gave Doreen a spooky fright.
AHHhhh!
 
Yes, Howard the chameleon
scared sweet Doreen the gecko.

But after Howard hollered “BOO!!!”
—he fainted, from the echo.
BOOooo-ooo-ooo!
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On Snail-o-ween
 
On Snail-o-ween, the snails and slugs
all slither out to greet you.
They don’t intend to spooky-scare.
They only want to treat you--
 to tasty leaves and tender sprouts,
a mollusk’s favorite meal.
So if you’re slightly frightened
by the slimy way they feel,
or by the tiny pointed hats
and vampire teeth they’re wearing,
remember gastropods are great
at grossing out…and sharing.
 
Step outside on Snail-o-ween!
We dare you! Take the trail
of silver slime that dead-ends
at a plot of crispy kale.
The gastropods are singing
their most slick-y-icky songs...

Join the snail-a-bration!
(Don’t forget your salad tongs.)
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Valentiny 2022

1/31/2022

3 Comments

 
Update: TEENY HOUDINI won an honorable mention in the contest
It's time!
          What time it is?
                    Valentiny time!

     Here's an event I can't resist—Susanna Leonard Hill's 6th Annual Valentiny Contest. This year, kid-lit writers were invited to produce a 214 word Valentine's Day story in which someone feels brave. What a great excuse for writing a sweet rhyming tale for young readers. If there's a kid in the room with you now, please share my little story with them.
     And now, weighing in at 214 words, give a round of applause for my entry—TEENY HOUDINI. Good luck to everyone participating. And thanks, Susanna, for the inspiration!

TEENY HOUDINI
 
In a vole hole tiny-teeny
lived a vole they called Houdini.
She was always disappearing when the neighbors happened by--
being timid, small, and shy.
 
She had heard that Bear was grumpy
and that Hare was awfully jumpy.
Otter badgered, Badger bothered, Jaybird jabbered—so they said.
So the vole stayed home in bed.
 
Through the winter, cold and snowy,
she was never bold or showy.
All alone, she practiced magic tricks that no one ever saw.
Then…the world began to thaw.
 
Buoyant Badger came to greet her.
Active Otter tried to meet her.
Hare and Jaybird thumped the ground and squawked, “We’ve come to pay a call.”
Friendly neighbors, one and all.
 
Bear (who’d once been small and worried
in a world too loud and hurried)
knew a kind and gentle word or two could ease a frightened mind.
So he made a Valentine!
 
Hi Houdini. We may seem to be
a scary bunch of enemies.
But we are gentle forest friends who want play and share.
Will you join us?
Love, the Bear.
 
Filled with magic inspiration
from that heartfelt invitation,
small Houdini started creeping out, with hat and wand and cape--
in a daring,
bold
ESCAPE!
 
Yes, Houdini’s tricks amazed the crowd.
She was brave!
And they were proud.
"Houdini-hip-hooray!"

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